Not Fair
by Mistoffolees'girl89
Summary: Uncommon Couples Entry.  Rumpelteazer lays in bed one night contemplating her *mostly* successful relationship with Bustopher Jones.  There's just one thing that's getting in the way  when they go up to bed *something's* just no good and its such a shame


DISCLAIMER: i don't own cats (sadly) Nor do i own the right to this amazingly funny song by Lilly Allen

Rumpelteazer lay in her bed, a large Tuxedoed tom sleeping contentedly beside her. Bustopher snored lightly in his sleep, but that was the least of the tiger tabby's worries.

She loved him, there was no denying that. He wasn't like the other toms, he actually cared about her, made sure she was safe and happy. She couldn't count the times he caught her leaving her house and walked her to the Junkyard. She knew he loved her.

_Oh he treats me with respect_

_He says he loves me all the time_

_He calls me 15 times a day_

_He likes to make sure that I'm fine_

_You know I've never met a man who's made me feel quite so secure_

_He's not like all them other boys_

_They're all so dumb and immature_

Rumpelteazer just wished there was a tactful way to tell him. Not that she was given to tact anyway, but it was driving her crazy. He was perfect for her, from the tux fur that complemented her own orange to the cuddly extra weight and the dignified airs that made her dignified by proxy. The age difference even worked for her. If only she could point out his one flaw without hurting his pride and feelings. It was his only flaw, but it was a big one.

_There's just one thing that's getting in the way_

_When we go up to bed you're just no good_

_Its such a shame_

_I look into your eyes I want to get to know you_

_And then you make this noise and its apparent it's all over_

It was just so frustrating, and it wasn't like he was small. She wondered why the older queens fawned over him so much if this was the way he was.

_It's not fair_

_And I think you're really mean_

_I think you're really mean_

_I think you're really mean_

_Oh you're supposed to care_

_But you never make me scream_

_You never make me scream_

She was fuming. Was one orgasm too much to ask? Really? Couldn't he at least try?

_Oh it's not fair_

_And it's really not ok_

_It's really not ok_

_It's really not ok_

_Oh you're supposed to care_

_But all you do is take_

_Yeah all you do is take_

She loved him, but she was sick of laying there, hot and sticky, night after night, Bustopher passed out in sleep and satisfied, her own body humming with need. Maybe it wasn't such a big deal, she thought sometimes. He was wonderful to her in everything else, and when the sex was taken out of the equation, she could see herself with him for the long run. She wished she could ignore it, like she'd heard the older queens talking about.

_Oh I lie here in the wet patch_

_In the middle of the bed_

_I'm feeling pretty damn hard done by_

_I spent ages giving head_

_Then I remember all the nice things that you ever said to me_

_Maybe I'm just overreacting maybe you're the one for me_

She wondered how they did it, the older queens. Putting up with lousy sex was not one of her best skills, and neither was her acting. If he caught her faking, he'd be furious, but she couldn't just tell him. She wanted to find out why he was reputed as "Tugger's Role Model," wanted to know why all the older queens swooned at him, but every time she tried to coax him into anything other than their normal routine, it didn't go over well.

_There's just one thing that's getting in the way_

_When we go up to bed you're just no good_

_It's such a shame_

_I look into your eyes I want to get to know you_

_And then you make this noise and it's apparent it's all over_

She knew this wasn't normal. She knew that somehow, he had to have caught on. That somehow he knew she wasn't satisfied with their nightly activities. Why he didn't show any inclination to change was the problem.

_It's not fair_

_And I think you're really mean_

_I think you're really mean_

_I think you're really mean_

_Oh you're supposed to care_

_But you never make me scream_

_You never make me scream_

She cried about it sometimes. Mungojerrie understood, since he'd had similar problems with Alonzo when they'd first started out. He'd offered her advice, but since he'd resolved his problems by getting into a fistfight with his lover before he got the point across, she was sure her twin's methods wouldn't work for her.

_Oh it's not fai__r_

_And it's really not ok_

_It's really not ok_

_It's really not ok_

_Oh you're supposed to care_

_But all you do is take_

_Yeah all you do is take_

She was tierd of being used, but she couldn't really call it that, with as great and patient as Bustopher was with her the rest of the time.

_There's just one thing that's getting in the way_

_When we go up to bed you're just no good_

_It's such a shame_

_I look into your eyes I want to get to know you_

_And then you make this noise and its apparent it's all over_

She could even have settled for the bad sex if he'd just stay awake and cuddle with her or pillow talk or something, but he passed out as soon as he rolled off her and hit the pillows.

_It's not fai__r_

_And I think you're really mean_

_I think you're really mean_

_I think you're really mean_

_Oh you're supposed to care_

_But you never make me scream_

_You never make me scream_

When he caught her in a rare crying jag in the mornings, what was she supposed to say "You're the worst lay I've ever had, but I really love you?" Of course she couldn't say that. Bustopher had taken to glaring at random cats whom she'd blamed her tears on. She felt guilty, but what else could she do to keep him?

_Oh it's not fai__r_

_And it's really not ok_

_It's really not ok_

_It's really not ok_

_Oh you're supposed to care_

_But all you do is take_

_Yeah all you do is take _

He was the most selfish tom in bed she'd ever known, and she lamented her luck that she'd fallen for him so hard. She wanted to tell him, wanted him to be the lover to o her she knew he could be, but the words stuck in her throat every time she tried. And now she had no choice but to stay with him, at least for a few more years. She hated having to say things that could cause trouble, and since Bustopher had no children, she worried about what he'd think about becoming a father so late in life. The tiger tabby queen grumbled and settled down next to the gently snoring hefty tux beside her. She was stuck with either an angry mate or bad sex for years, one way or another. If only she knew how to tell him the truth gently. Maybe, she thought, before she drifted off to sleep, Misto and Tugger would have some advice. They'd stepped on toes before. Maybe she'd be able to as well.


End file.
